Monday, April 26, 2010

Party Crashing, Arizona-Style

Holy cow, did you see? There is an awesome party coming up next weekend. It looks like the best party ever!
There will be lots of famous people there, an open bar, great food, and gorgeous women.

I would LOVE to go to that party.

The problem is, it is a party to reward people who donated to an important humanitarian cause. Invitation only.

I did not donate to that cause. But, man... the party is going to be awesome! I need to figure out a way to get in.

Well, I decide to sneak in through the kitchen. Got lucky, no one noticed me. This is GREAT! I can't believe I am actually in this crazy fun party now. This place is amazing! The lights & sound are killer, the women are gorgeous... is this Heaven?
The best part is, people seem to be assuming I belong. They are saying "hello". The waiter offered me a glass of champagne. Hors d'oeuvres are offered from a silver tray. I accept, graciously.

I am loving this! Oh, here comes my favorite recording artist. I actually get to chat for a minute and get a photo taken! Awesome!

Whew, a few more glasses of the bubbly, and I'm a little tipsy. I guess I had a bit too much, and as this beautiful lady walks past, I grab her butt. Just a little. No harm, no foul. But NooOOooo. She turns around, glares at me, slaps me in the face, and yells for security.

Oh great. Now three thick-necked, earpiece-wearing goons are grabbing me and asking to see my invitation. What the...? How DARE they! I'm IN THE PARTY, YOU IDIOTS! You have SOME nerve asking for my invitation! I'm HERE, am I not? Of course I had an invitation. I just... err... misplaced it. What's that? How much did I contribute to the cause? Umm... err... well NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! Hey, LET GO OF ME! You can't throw me out! I have a glass of champagne to finish! OW! Stop dragging me! JEEZ, you guys are out of line. All I did was come in for some food and fun! I'm not hurting anything!! OUCH! Thanks for opening the door with my head, you fascist pigs! UGH (thump). (Slam). Great. In the alley looking like a loser.

Who do those snobs think they are? I've got as much a right to be in that party as any of those so-called donors!

...and that, my friends, is the illegal immigration problem faced by Arizona in a nutshell.

Friday, April 09, 2010


OK, so I haven't posted anything in forever. But, a few things have happened in the last few months:
1. Bought a house
2. Got a new job
3. Became an Uncle again (that's a bigger deal than you might think)

It's kind of mind-boggling, once one has been in a routine for many years, to suddenly have all this change in one's life. However, I have discovered that it's not only survivable, it is enjoyable.
I guess it is rather easy to sink into a rut, then start getting really comfortable in that rut... so that the thought of getting out becomes more and more disturbing, even scary.
However, unless someone's doing you bodily harm, or you've taken ill, the changes won't kill you. Quite the opposite. You may find yourself changing all sorts of habits, just because the old ones don't work anymore. If you pull a rug out from under someone, they tend to not stand still for the next few seconds. And once they're up, they will probably chase you and beat you. Two things they likely never considered previous to said rug-pulling. And once they've beaten you, they will think "Huh, that was kind of fun. Should have done that a long time ago."
All this to say... try embracing a little change. Not the kind you get sold by slick politicians, the kind that YOU control. The kind that will enhance YOUR mental well-being, even your financial well-being. The kind that will get you up out of your rut and have you looking around over the top of the grass and seeing the whole yard for once.
It's a pretty nice view!